no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
