He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
