Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
