I need help removing her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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