Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
