Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
