the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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