I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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