I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
