It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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