Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
