So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
