New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
