one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
this is an emotional support booty call
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
