You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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