he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
