God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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