Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
