Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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