I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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