When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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