i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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