The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
