he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
