i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
