you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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