i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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