just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
