i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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