Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize