We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
