she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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