My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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