my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
