I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
