I think i peed on brittanys purse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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