I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
