I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
