My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
