saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
