we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
