I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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