How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
