I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
