if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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