I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
