She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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