Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
