So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
