I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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