I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
