i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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