I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
