you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
