I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
