I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
