We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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