Can i not drive my cunt home
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
