YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
