Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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