Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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