Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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